In early September 2013 I joined an online fetish community known as Fetlife, short for Fetish life. This post outlines some of my experiences.
I started dating this girl. We were talking about past sexual experiences and she picked up on the fact that I’ve been treated like shit many times in the bedroom. She said I should join Fetlife because there were plenty of people there who would not be judgmental about my sexual kinks or sex in general. She made it sound like I could possibly use Fetlife as a support group, in a way.
Then come to find out the bitch is crazy and we stopped talking. Thank God. She is the most selfish person I’ve ever met. She will flip anything you say about yourself to be all about her.
After I stopped talking to her I was like, “Why not?” So I signed up, created an account, and within an hour I had found my first meeting. I was ready to go. I dove into the scene headfirst. Many people choose to join the website and lurk for a few months before starting their journey. That’s OK too, but it’s not my style.
I went to about 8-10 munches. Munches are the same as a Meetup group or regular meeting, but with a stupid name. The purpose of a munch is to invite people you want to have sex with out to eat at a restaurant in hopes of enticing them to go to a play party and later have sex with them. Err, I mean, munches are a place where you can socialize with people that have similar kinks as you, so you can feel accepted. A play party is a party where people walk around naked, get spanked, tied up, wanded, etc. It is a very open, free, and sexual environment. (Not everyone is naked)
TNG stands for “The Next Generation.” There are munches in this category all over the world. The age limits are 18-35. RLG stands for “Richmond Lifestyle Group” and is only really relevant to Richmond but I imagine other cities have something similar. There is no age limit at an RLG munch.
All of the munches I went to were at bars or restaurants.
- RLG Anthony’s: I walked in and was greeted by the group owner, then I went to sit at a table. I sat across from three women. They proceeded to ignore me and talk about their Masters, the punishments he was giving them, how they went to a class for submissives, etc. Keep in mind this is literally my first experience at a munch. At the end a guy and his girl came in and sat down. We had a decent conversation but he is simply one of the “Dear god you need therapy” dominant guys.
- TNG Fallout: Very cliquey, but for the most part people would talk to me if I came up to them. At one point a girl decided she didn’t like me because I was flirting with her friend. She made sure to make a scene of how much she didn’t like me. This socially ostracized me so I went home. Welcome to TNG. Keep in mind, this girl is easily 350lbs. That’s right. She probably gets off on telling people she’s “curvy.” What a dumb cunt.
- TNG Gluttony: I came in a few moments late. Tables are lined up end-to-end. I had to sit at the end of the long table. I sat for 30 minutes. No one spoke to me, so I left. When I told the group owner about my experience later he didn’t seem to give a shit.
- RLG Tripp’s: I actually had a decent time talking to people at this one, but at one point everyone got up and left around me, leaving me completely alone.
- RLG Mi Hacienda: I showed up a minute late so I was stuck at the end of the tables. I sat across from two gentlemen I can only describe as “assholes.” I didn’t know anyone else there. I got my food, check, and left.
- Poly-amorous group: This munch was by far the most welcoming, but since then no one talked to me. I suppose it’s because I’m monogamous and they don’t want to have sex with me
- TNG Fallout: Again people are cliquey. I was never engaged in conversation. People only talked to me because I went up to them.
- TNG Gluttony: The night before, the owner of this group reminded everyone about the munch. The next night, I showed up at the previous location at 7:30. No one was there. There’s no way to find out the information online. I presume this munch is for the “cool people.”
- RLG Anthony’s: People were nice to me when I talked to them, but it was up to me to go around and meet everyone.
- RLG Tripp’s: I was seated next to a gentleman who was at his first munch ever. We talked and that was nice. He was actually a really nice guy. We didn’t talk to anyone else though, except for a few snide remarks about our conversation. At one point the munch leader walked over and proceeded to talk down his nose and make smart ass remarks to me because of the online discussion I had started. I left.
Play Party Experiences
- Crucible College Night: This was my first play party and I have to say it was awkward for me. I had no problem talking to people. In fact I was tied up by a girl and spanked another. I just didn’t feel welcomed by anyone. It was up to me to talk to them. There were hot naked chicks walking all around, however, which was a bonus.
- TNG Play Party: I showed up by myself and no one talked to me unless I approached them. I watched one scene with a friend. At one point in the evening I just sat by myself. Eventually a girl from Williamsburg showed up and we played, but it’s pretty painful showing up at an event like this and everyone breaks off into their own corners, activities, etc. and ignores you.
Dating in the Scene
I started dating two women in the scene and they are completely fucking insane. The second girl wasn’t as selfish as the first, but she was extremely strange. She’s a 24 year old virgin in a fetish scene if that gives you any hints. Neither relationship lasted more than a week. Be careful if you choose to date someone in the scene. It’s a minefield (for guys and girls). I talked to a domme and she said this scene tends to be a magnet for stupid people. You have been warned. I have since talked to a therapist about the fetish scene and she said many “doms” and “subs” have serious issues.
Tough Guys and Weak Girls
Men and women are genetically predisposed towards being dominant/submissive respectively. However, many guys I saw acted like they were “dom” or dominant but in fact a lot of them just have anger management issues and need to see a fucking therapist. Many of the girls aren’t “subs” or submissives, they just need help standing up for themselves and figuring out their life. I get the impression that these people need love and compassion in their lives and they are filling the void with rough sex and love the attention of getting tied.
So I spoke with the leader of the RLG munches for approximately 2-3 weeks about my social problems/meeting people at munches. I let him know that I was having a hard time meeting new people at the munches and that the table configuration wasn’t helping.
My complaints fell on deaf ears. He didn’t give a shit because I’m not a young girl he wants to fuck. He and his wife are looking for their unicorn – a woman who likes both the male and the female in a relationship. When I spoke with him he seemed like a nice guy, but ultimately he didn’t give a shit about me or my problems. I know this for a fact, because I spoke with a cute young girl and when she went to these munches she got a personal invitation to sit next to the group leader. That’s funny, I was complaining for a while and he never once acted like he gave a fuck – he never helped me meet people, invited me to sit next to him, etc.
The leader from the TNG Gluttony munches just ignored me. The best way I can classify his demeanor is: shady. I spoke to him about my problems and he ignored me. He never once engaged conversation, it was always up to me to go up to him. Thanks for making me feel welcome, dipshit.
The Forum Discussion
I gotta say, I was pretty resourceful here. I was having a hard time meeting new people, so I set out to solve my problem. I started a forum discussion initiating the process of looking for a new munch location. I was specifically interested in changing the seating arrangement. The only places I could think of were Capital Ale House and another bar near my apartment. The discussion took off – in fact a bunch of people came on and said they’d love to go to Capital Ale House.
Then the bitch who doesn’t like me logged on, put down her foot-long sandwich and Diet Coke, then proceeded to mock me, siderail the conversation, and be rude. Then others logged on and voiced their concerns.
Whenever I talk about things that bother me, I get a lot of “well you need to understand other people’s feelings” and “you know some people like the long table configuration, this meeting location, etc.” Not a single fucking person in the entire community said “I’m sorry you feel this way/are having trouble, what can I/we do to help?“
This group is all about sex. This group is not all about sex. Some people find their wives and husbands on here, but from my experiences, I’ve been treated with great disrespect. And if people don’t want to have sex with you, they don’t really care about you. This might only apply to the Richmond charters, but I suspect it’s like this elsewhere.
So I’m fucked, socially speaking. I stopped going to munches, deactivated my Fetlife account, and now I’m spending my time and effort towards other things. At least I had the chance to experience it.
Since I’ve posted this article I’ve received a few comments. The people making the comments seem to have butthurt because I’m trashing their fetish community. When they make comments they get very defensive, use negative language, make accusations, make assumptions, and in general make false arguments to prove that their precious fetish scene doesn’t suck and that it’s all my fault. If you’d like to make a comment that is fine, but don’t be stupid about it.